Ommmmmm

i love yoga. It's all about breathing and stretching and wearing cool yoga pants.There's no running involved. You get to close your eyes. I just started a few weeks ago. I can barely touch my knees.

Steamy

I love very long, very hot showers. Lobster skin showers. This may be too much information but TOO BAD PEOPLE. I am a water wasting, utility raising shower fanatic. I will easily shower until the hot water runs out. I will shower until I'm late for class. I seem to get most of my epiphanies and revelations in there, with the pulsing streams of water knocking on (frying) my brain. One of the first shower epiphanies I had was about a million years ago when I was getting ready to pack my bag and head out for my grandma's 90th birthday. Right there in the shower I knew very clearly that I needed to buy a video camera. BOOM! This is before anyone had video cameras. I was very young and I had no money. I think I had one credit card which had rarely, if ever, been used. But there in that shower I realized I had to get a damn movie camera. I was meeting my parents at the birthday party. As I recall it was in a church in Hutchinson Kansas. In a long room with a long brown tables and paper table clothes. Crepe streamer decorations.

I had about 100 miles to drive with a town or two along the way. I stopped at several stores I thought might carry video cameras but couldn't find one. Sure, there were tons of cassette tape players and beta video players, but I couldn't find a video camera. I finally did, of course, (this may be where the bile problem started) and when I got to the party I told my parents I borrowed it from someone. My dad would have bust a gut if he knew I had BOUGHT one. On a credit card. For $1600. That was a CRAZY amount of money back then. That was like 5 months rent. Shit. And the camera was HUGE. Heavy and bulky. Luckily these days my epiphanies are more likely to be about what I should make for dinner or where the raised bed garden should go, although some days I do still have grand ideas like, I'm going to quit my job, or, I think I'm going to start a business. Most of my shower ideas do come to fruition, and it's usually a positive thing. At the time of the video camera splurge, everyone feigned shyness, and didn't want to be filmed. It was such a novelty then. But I was relentless and got great footage. I made people tell me stories. I filmed relatives eating cake. I got audio of myself saying "um" a LOT. But mostly, even now, a million years later, I can hear my grandma laugh. Now THAT'S worth $1600.

Birthday stream of consciousness

It's my birthday. I was driving home from doing some errands this morning and I had the best running dialogue going in my head of blog writing! Man, it was good. I have now forgotten all of it. I don't really think I have early onset, although I worry sometimes about my memory. Although I'm NOT old and I do remember lots of things. I just can't think of any right now. Hahaha. And I'm not going to do some piece on THAT. The whole getting older thing. I'm in a good place, with good people, and good food. I have good employment and good recreation, although I would love to travel more. Good. I'm baking a cake right now. Can someone please tell me the difference between Milk Chocolate, Swiss Chocolate, Devil's Food and Chocolate Fudge? I chose Chocolate Fudge because it sounded, well, chocolater. I'm making it in the two 8" round pans my mom used to use when I was a child, and I'm going to frost my chocolate fudge cake with a brown sugar/caramely frosting that my mom used to always make for me (recipe alert!!!! 1 and a half cups brown sugar, half a cup butter, half a cup milk, put that in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Take off heat and add powdered sugar. Frost cake.). My birthday dinner (which I will not make because I would be the only one eating it since the folks I live with are either vegetarian or tuna abhorers) used to always be tuna and noodles with mashed potatoes.

I have come to a few realizations. Nothing profound. Namely, I write more when I have an assignment. For instance, I started a blog a few days ago (here it is).....

"I have adopted a new cooking method. It's the "throw a bunch of vegetables in a pan with broth and cook em" theory of dinner prep. Then, throw what's in the pan in a blender, and you're done and the soup is on the table. It's rather like making a smoothie, only the smoothie is cold and for breakfast, and the soup is hot and for dinner. The amazing part of this is that Jay likes this dinner. He used to LOVE baby food veggies; squash, carrots, peas, etc...but when I stopped the baby food, he stopped eating vegetables. This is a sly way of bringing back the baby food. And I swear, I am not writing about him for at least a couple weeks.

I HAVE been on a food making kick. I made a berry pie yesterday, and I've been doing other soups (chicken, mushroom and wild rice - yum) and pastas and whatnot. I really am happy to not be at Starbucks anymore. I had no idea how much I would love NOT working there. I feel like I'm having another oneyearofopus even though I have a job. Now if this irritating snow would just go away."

(End of blog) ....and then I just got busy with other things and did not write more, or edit, or THINK, or post it. I've been pretty darn successful with the "30 days of......" so I think I'll go back to that for the next 30. I WAS thinking about this in the car. Thirty days of things I love. Yes, yes, I've done it before. But, I really like being positive. Plus there are so many things I love. And, I feel no pressure when I start up a 30-days-of because if I want to, I can just write one measly sentence. BUT, I have to write every day of that 30. Yay! A purpose! Oh yes, in addition, writing about what I love makes even crappy days better because I am suddenly aware of how stinking lucky I am that I have things to love.

(Three hours later, still my birthday)

We have a phonograph. It works a bit. Sometimes we still play records. It's not a high-tech deal; more of an old console style from the fifties. Mostly we listen to NPR weekend mornings with the radio in it. It's amazing how the radio in a thing like that gets such good reception. So, Jay came up to me a few minutes ago and said what's this? and he was holding one of those yellow plastic 45 record center dohickies that let you play singles on a turntable with just the long thing center piece. (After that description, I'm sure I need a picture here.) I got out my 45's and put on Sister Golden Hair by America. That song was my favorite song once. I still love it. I can still sing all the words. I did, and Jay never once told me to stop. It did skip once, where it plays the same phrase over and over and I was so excited. "That's a skip, that's a skip. Listen. Oh, it just used to gripe the heck out of us. You'll never hear a skip anywhere." and Jay actually seemed interested and listened while the I pushed my finger down on the arm to ride through the scratch. Birthday kindness rocks.

Here is a poem from Poetry Daily that I get on Facebook. It's wonderful. Read it slowly, don't rush, and read it out loud.


Happiness

I have been taught never to brag but now
I cannot help it: I keep
a beautiful garden, all abundance,
indiscriminate, pulling itself
from the stubborn earth. Does it offend you
to watch me working in it,
touching my hands to the greening tips or
tearing the yellow stalks back, so wild
the living and the dead both
snap off in my hands?
The neighbor with his stuttering
fingers, the neighbor with his broken
love: each comes up my drive
to receive his pitying,
accustomed consolations, watches me
work in silence a while, rises in anger,
walks back. Does it offend them to watch me
not mourning with them but working
fitfully, fruitlessly, working
the way the bees work, which is to say
by instinct alone, which looks
like pleasure? I can stand for hours among
the sweet narcissus, silent as a point of bone.
I can wait longer than sadness. I can wait longer
than your grief. It is such a small thing
to be proud of, this garden. Today
there were scrub jays, quail,
a woodpecker knocking at the white
and black shapes of trees, and someone's lost rabbit
scratching under the barberry: Is it
indiscriminate? Should it shrink back, wither,
and expurgate? Should I, too, not be loved?
It is only a little time, a little space.
Why not watch the grasses take up their colors in a rush
like a stream of kerosene being lit?
If I could not have made this garden beautiful
I wouldn't understand your suffering,
nor care for each the same, inflamed way.
I would have to stay only like the bees,
beyond consciousness, beyond self-
reproach, fingers dug down hard
into stone, growing nothing.
There is no end to ego,
with its museum of disappointments.
I want to take my neighbors into the garden
and show them: Here is consolation.
Here is your pity. Look how much seed it drops
around the sparrows as they fight.
It lives despite their misery.
It glows each evening with a violent light.

by Paisley Rekdal

My favorite part of that poem is "working like bees work, which is to say by instinct alone, which looks like pleasure."

I good solid line of poetry makes my day.

So, segueing here into Facebook. I am a convert. I have controlled myself and never spend more than a half hour a day on it, and I mostly make sure it's after 8:00 pm. That way I'm not losing scads of time surfing and looking at other people's vacation pictures. But today, I had a million birthday wishes. It was not fake. It was real birthday love. Thank you, to everyone who sent me a happy birthday wish. I feel blessed and lucky. And for all my former Facebook disdain, all I can say is what I say about EVERYTHING......moderation, baby.

Oh, and the realizations. I said several and I only wrote about one. Another realization is that my life is relatively bile free. For many years I produced a lot of bile. (Sorry) It was mainly because I had dismal relationships (the number one bile-producing problem in the U.S. today) and I was younger and confused. Now, very little bile. Yes, I have a 98% bile free relationship (thank you B), I am older (not OLD), and....wait....okay i'm still confused.

Also, I have come to realize that my office (the 8X8 room in our house that has my desk, B's desk and some bookcases) will never be organized to the point where there are no paper piles on the floor. Now, this is something that has, in the past, produced bile in my guts, but, by changing my perspective, I can accept it and live with it, no bile. No hoarding either, again, moderation.

Okay, have you drifted off yet? One more thing. This is the first day of my what-I-love blog commitment. Here it is....

I love chocolate cake with caramel frosting that was made in those old pans that my mom used to butter and flour for every birthday in our family. I love that those old pans were touched by her fingers as she put the batter in, and when she tapped the cake out onto a plate. I love that the frosting is her recipe and that, because she just knew, she didn't write down the amount of powdered sugar when she sent me the recipe so I'm never really sure how much to put in. I love that she cared enough to make me that cake. I love that she's why I have a birthday today. I love that she had me, even though she was older and she and my dad had to cancel their vacation to Hawaii because SURPRISE I was coming and I love that she taught me how to love so many things so very very much.

Convo

Jay says to me; Mom, we need to go shopping tomorrow for pencils. I say, You have plenty of pencils in this house. He says, Well, I mean mechanical pencils. I reply, But can't we just get lead refills? And he says, No. people have tooken all my pencils like that. AUGHHHHHH. I say, Honey, it's taken. Tooken is not a word. He says, This isn't English class, I just need more pencils. I say, It's ALL an English class when you have me for your mother. He says, But you're not MY English teacher. And I say, Do you KNOW what my job description is here? It's to make you into a productive, loving, kind, literate adult. There, that's my job description.

Silence. Yay.

Hello?

My son had his first "anonymous girl" phone call tonight. The phone rang (yes, we still have a land line) and it came up as Private Call. I answered it and there was a moment of silence. Hello, I said. A young girl giggled and asked, Is this Jay's house? I answered, yes, would you like to talk to him? Giggle. Giggle. Who is this, I asked. A girl from his class, came the reply. Giggle. Background second-girl giggle. Well he's right here, you can talk to him, I said. Jay was standing a foot from me looking puzzled. I handed him the phone. Hello, he said. Hi, yes, no, no, who is this, he said. Click. He didn't recognize the voice but he was quite flattered. Nothing rude or vile was said. Just twelve year old giggling girls and a perplexed thirteen year old boy. I thought it was cute and sweet. SOMEBODY has a crush on you, I said (shrieked). But WHO? Jay responded. And got nervous and smiley. What a small little window of time. When you are suddenly aware of the opposite sex and yet everything is still innocent and dear. No seriousness or decisions or hurt or CRAZY MAKING BEHAVIOR.

I've been feeling a large amount of grace lately. Towards me, I mean. I read a short definition of grace as being unmerited mercy and I loved that. I've been feeling loved and blessed and lucky and sheltered. And through none of my own creating. So, all you friends and angels and anonymous perpetrators of kindness out there....I appreciate you and I am going to work at putting it all back out there.

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.”
--Anne Lamott

And, a MLK quote I just found......

“Everybody can be great because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

One quote seems to be about receiving grace and the other about bestowing grace. Now, in regards to the MLK quote....combined with the fact that I started teaching English 100 and 101 again today.....you actually DO have to make your subject and verb agree, but I still like the quote. Hahahaha.

And then, because I so like definitions....

Grace:

--(Christian theology) a state of sanctification by God; the state of one who is under such divine influence;
--elegance and beauty of movement or expression; "a beautiful figure which she used in subtle movements of unparalleled grace"
--seemliness: a sense of propriety and consideration for others; "a place where the company of others must be accepted with good grace"
--a disposition to kindness and compassion; "the victor's grace in treating the vanquished"
--(Greek mythology) one of three sisters who were the givers of beauty and charm; a favorite subject for sculptors
--a short prayer of thanks before a meal; "their youngest son said grace"
--(Christian theology) the free and unmerited favor or beneficence of God; "God's grace is manifested in the salvation of sinners"; "there but for the grace of God go I"
-- A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill.
-- Mercy; clemency.
-- A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence.
-- A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve.
-- Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people.
-- The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God.
-- Music; An appoggiatura, trill, or other musical ornanment in the music of 16th and 17th century England.

Okay, now I'm on a roll. I am LOVING these grace quotes. They all just seem to fit.

“Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace.”
-- May Sarton

Of course I was going to work gardening in here somehow :)

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.”
--Denis Waitley

“life is a gift, and i try to respond with grace and courtesy”
-- Maya Angelou

So, I just had one of those weird moments. I saw the quote, "Tuesdays child is full of grace." Well, I was born on Tuesday and I have always been a fairly clumsy type. I never understood that damn quote. I thought that quote meant elegance, but maybe it means mercy, a sense of gratitude, and THAT stuff. It makes sense to me now. Cool.

Just a Thought

First things first....Pente was not invented by Hasbro, it was invented by some other guy. I think his name starts with a G. You can find it in the Pente! word at the top of the blog, shaded in gray. It will take you to a link. Also, Allegiant Air does tack on fees for luggage and taxes and the like. So, when it says 40.00, it's more like 70.00. I am not a person who is hugely concerned with facts, although I do not want to mislead.

Secondly, I found this great video on FB today.........watch it here

I am thinking about doing it. But, I know myself. If I just did it and acted like it was forever and that I was never going to get back on, I would fail. I would start to hide it, sneaking on when B's at work and Jay's at school. When people talked about it, I would feign innocence...."wow, really, she wrote what!? Holy Smokes." So, here is my idea. Cut down drastically. ONE DAY A WEEK. Yeah baby. Pick my day, done. I would manage my time so much better. I would HAVE more time in my day. Instead of watching a three minute blurb of The Daily Show, I just WATCH THE SHOW. I could read and do dishes and grade papers and get some damn sleep (instead of looking at vacation pictures of someone I don't even know anymore at 11:30 p.m.). I am thinking really hard about this one. I already picked out my day....Monday. That would be it. Yes, I like the idea.

Psssst....

Have you HEARD about Allegiant Air Airlines? They are really cheap. And good. My nephew, Neal, and his family flew from Idaho tp Phoenix for almost nothing at Thanksgiving on Allegiant Air. I just checked on a flight to Kansas from Phoenix and it's 40.00 one way. That's crazy! I am really into saving money right now. I occasionally do this money challange with myself where I give myself a boundary financially and then try to stick to it. Hahaha. I did it very successfully a few years ago during my actual One Year of Opus and did not buy anything that I might wear (including purses, shoes, ear rings). FOR ONE YEAR. Honestly, I accidentally bought one Cardinals tee shirt, but that's all. Otherwise, I did it, and I saved a crapload of money.

So, for the month of January I'm only buying things I can ingest. Wine, groceries, medication and chocolate all fall into this category. I have passed up two VERY cute shirts at Target, a beautiful flannel comforter cover from Eddy Bauer, a few books and some jewelry. And; Christmas decorations at 50% off, a cool piece of art on etsy, a set of Tupperware at Sam's Club, and several other pieces of clothing. Whew! Obviously I need to do this more often.


It is necessary; therefore, it is possible.
--G. A. Borghese

Games & Soup

Pente!!!!!

This is a great game. It takes some brain, but not as much as chess. It has little round glass pieces that are smooth and appealing. It is difficult, yet fun, and is perfectly suited to a nice glass of red. There is nothing to read. As one plays for the first time, one might think they are playing an ancient Japanese game, created centuries ago, filled with history and mystique. Hahaha. Nope, created by Hasbro in 1977.

I made borscht on Saturday. I made it because I found nine bags of beets in the garage freezer. They were from the garden in 2009. Heaven forbid I throw them away, I knew they would still be good and beet-like.

Hold that thought.

I have a Facebook profile. I went into Facebook kicking and screaming. I was NOT going to succumb to a teenage social network that doled out sound bites of information. Was. Not. But I eventually got on board, as I will probably do with every technological invention that comes my way if I can figure it out. So, here it is, 2011, and although I have a Facebook profile, I remain a lurker. I decided that since my friend, Maggie, was popping out sentences on facebook, I would occasionally jot down a few myself. So to make a very short story stupidly long, I wrote on my facebook, Jill Divine "is making borscht."

This is the comment I got from my son....

" It didn't taste very good and it was too red! But overall if my mom made it again I would probably eat it."

I love Facebook. I love borscht. Here's what goes in it....
3 C diced beets
2 cups diced carrots 1 medium onion
bit of garlic
several stalks celery
8 cups broth (either chicken or veggie)
half a head of shredded cabbage
teaspoon or so fresh dill
sour cream

Saute onion and garlic in a few tablespoons of olive oil. Add broth, beets, carrots, dill, and celery. Cook for an hour or so. Add cabbage and cook for another hour. Spoon into bowls and add a dollop (wtf) of sour cream. sprinkle with a bit more dill.

Again, yum.

This is a bit of health in every spoonfull. And, by the way, whereas Pente has not so much history, borscht does....here

Finding Music Already #2, 2011

One of the items on my thingsiwanttodo list for 2011 was to find and listen to good music. My friend, Scott Feather, put this list on his FB and it's GOOD. And although it's his list for 2010, as he says, it's not about when they're released, it's all about the "find." And aside from the couple I've already heard, I'm finding most of these in 2011. Thank you Scott, for being my first guest blogger of the year.


Songs 2010
by Scott Feather on Friday, January 7, 2011 at 9:26pm

Last year I made a “favorite songs of 2009” list. At the time I it just felt like something I had to do, having heard too many good songs over the course of a year to not talk about them a little bit. I didn’t know if it was something I would be able to do again the next year. I mean, what if 2010 sucked for music? What if I didn’t discover any songs that blew my mind? I’m pleased to announce that is not the case. Awesome songs abound. They always seem to be waiting patiently to be found, and then when you play them for the first time, they pounce like lions. It’s one of my favorite characteristics of music, the immediate impact it can have, like after you hear a great song, the world seems like a different place. 2010 was no exception. Now I’ve said this before, but this isn’t a proper “Best Of” list because some of these songs didn’t come out in the past year. It’s just when I discovered them . . . or how I like to think of it, when they discovered me. I mean, who gives a shit when a song was released? its all about the find. So without further delay, My Top 16 songs of 2010. Why sixteen you ask? Because sixteen is better than ten. I just picked the songs that I had something to say about.


16. Too Long Awake - Idlewild

I’ve always kind of dug this Scottish band, but in a very moderate way, just a song hear or there. kind of a hipster sounding R.E.M. . From their third record Warnings/Promises, it’s undoubtedly the most memorable song they have ever written. I love distortion. But not when its used to simply make the song sound abrasive (I know when you are trying to annoy me, song). I love it when it’s used with a sense of melancholy, when it rides the fence between ugly-sounding and melodically haunting. The guitar in this song sounds like ache. It bends and sways and I close my eyes when I hear it.


15. Right Ahead, Great Sailor! - Right Away, Great Captain


Right Away, Great Captain is the folky side project from Manchester Orchestra’s hairy front man Andy Hull. It is a much lighter serving from a guy whose songwriting is starting to reach startling heights (more from him later). This song is just an acoustic guitar and a kind of lazy, jangly sounding vocals. Clocking in right around two minutes, I just cant seem to get enough of it. You know those little ice cream bites called Dibs? The ones where you pop a couple and then realize you have no physical ability to stop? That’s this song. I listen to it constantly. It’s stuck in my head constantly. It’s like a box of Dibs. Great lyrics too. My favorite lines in a song aren’t the ones that are necessarily that profound, but just the ones that I can extract from the song and attach a personal meaning to them. “how easy would it be if we could see the plan . . . but really what’s the plan?”


14. Beauty School - Deftones


Deftones never cease to amaze me. They remain as bad to the bone as they were when I was a sophomore in high school. As a band they have constantly evolved while maintaining a central thread of identity. Their songs are angry and sexy and sad, often all at the same time. This gem from their latest, Diamond Eyes is one of their most refined statements. Abe Cunninghams drums groove like you would not even fucking believe, and Chino Moreno’s voice comes in, sounding like some kind of amazing combination of confesstion and seduction. It’s absolutely astonishing to me that this band was EVER lumped in with bands like Korn and Limp Bizkit. It simply boggles my mind.


13. Wagon Wheel - Old Crow Medicine Show


As much as I love music, you would be surprised how reluctant I am to hear music people want to play for me. This is, of course, absurd, and something I should definitely work on, especially since sometimes they bring me songs like this. My brother came over to my house and basically made me listen to this song. And it starts, and the verse is cool and I dig the banjo and the twangy vocals ok, and then it get’s to the chorus, and to the part (and if you have never heard this song just go listen to it so you can know what im talking about) “heyyyyyy, mama rock me” and it is game, set, match. Like, holy shit, that’s why harmony exists. It’s one of the glimpses in a song where everything gets stripped to it’s simplest and you understand why the precise appeal of music. Beautiful.


12. Left and Leaving - The Weakerthans.


I love sad songs. But the thing is they rarely make me sad. I don’t know what that means about me, but it’s always been like that. Case in point, Left and Leaving. It’s a crushing post break-up song, that, from what I gather has the poor chap wandering around trying to keep his mind off his lost love. Typical story, except this dude is an above average writer. “I wait in 4-4 time, count yellow highway lines . . .” It’s such a concentrated line about loneliness. Devastating. And every time I hear it I smile inappropriately.


11. Hole In the Fence - Person L


How a song this beautiful came from the brain of a former pop-punk front man who was best known for one MTV song and his spiky bleached blonde hair astounds me. Kenny Vasoli makes a magnificent leap from The Starting Line to this band, writing songs that you feeled compelled to stop what youre doing a listen to. It sounds more like Explosions in the Sky than Green Day. And Holy Mother of God, that’s a good thing. This song was responsible for a mix I made for someone I titled Driveways at Night. It’s the kind of song that if its on when you’re driving home and its still going when you get there, you sit in your car and finish it. It’s just too good to cut short.


10. Just Stay - Kevin Devine


If you ever get a chance to see this dude live, you better go. One of the best shows I have seen (not the very best though, we’ll get to that in a bit). He played at a coffee shop and there were maybe thirty-five of us there. He just played without a mic and song his heart out. This was my favorite that he sang. It’s shows off his vocal range, going from a sweet melodic verse to the bridge that finds this anger brimming to the surface. But if you look at the lyrics, the anger was always there. It was just musically well hidden. “she said “it’s pretty but you hate yourself, I can hear clear as day.” I said I sing like this, it sounds worse than it is, I’m ok . . .ok.” Maybe this justifies why I like sad songs so much. Sometimes they just sound fucking great.



9. Swim - Surfer Blood


Like the Old Crow song, sometimes it can be one particular moment in a song that can win me over. Like, I may have been halfway listening and then this . . . part happens, and it’s like “what the hell was that?!” Swim has one of those moments. They have a really indie sounding vocal approach (think somewhere in between early Shins and Band of Horses) and in the chorus there is a line he keeps repeating “Swim to reach the end.” On the very last one he just fucking loses it. “Swim to reach THE END!!!!,” hitting this elevated note. I remember exactly where I was when I heard it and made Sam rewind it about four times. Ok, so there are pictures of me at a Halloween party and in this one pic I’m clearly singing and have my fist clenched. I know that I’m listening to that song, because I have the exact same physical response every time that song comes on.


8. Small Skeletal - Crime In Stereo


I’m pretty sure this is the song I have listened to more than any other song in the past year. You know when bands at one point belonged to some kind of intense genre like punk or hardcore and then get labeled sellouts because their new songs start to take one this new sound that’s not as hardcore or punk as it used to be. Yeah, I tend to love those bands. Crime In Stereo were an edgy hardcore punk band that’s music kept getting more and more versatile. But what a band loses in so-called integrity they make up for in a more free form of expression. This post hardcore gem has one of the most memorable first verses I can remember. From what I can gather the song is talking about cigarettes and cancer. “Now each day I sink a bit further into my father’s fate. Four packs a day, four decades straight right into an unmarked grave.” And then the chorus where he screams “I used to think it would sleep!!!” And as cool as the lyrics and vocals are the real kicker is when that drummer starts wailing on those toms in the chorus. Try not moving your head when that part comes on. Can’t do it. You just can’t.


7. Popinjay - Joy Formidable


This is got to be the best, I guess random is the word, band I have ever stumbled across. AP Magazine had this little paragraph about them and I liked the buzzwords they used to describe them. “Walls of guitars” and “shoe gazer” but “raw and melodic.” So I gave em a quick listen and it took about twelve seconds to figure out that they absolutely fucking rule. Their songs are so melodic, so sexy, so hard hitting, so fucking loud. It’s all the reasons the Pixies are great. Its all the reasons My Bloody Valentine and Slowdive are great too. And this song . . . oh man, this song. I mentioned once before, this song has this cockiness to it. I love when a song is so good you can hear that they know how good it is. I have this weird thought of them playing this song at some kind of battle of the bands, finishing, and just walking off stage like, “your move, bitches.” and no one, the crowd, the judges, the front of house, having the slightest idea what hit them. This song is literally that good.


6. Sigh No More - Mumford and Sons


Oh, this band. Is there a band that released an album in the last year with such a pure, joyless, heartfelt delivery as Mumford and Sons? How about, well, ever? I knew this band was good from the first time I heard them, but nothing, NOTHING, could have prepared me for seeing them live. I have never seen anything like it. Oh, I’ve seen great shows with great crowds, but this was different. This was spiritual. There was a connection between the band and the crowd, this shared energy, that I can only describe as joy. People sang. People clapped. People put arms each other. This was more than a live show. This was a gathering. With the exception of a few special New Years Eves, I have never felt such comradery with complete strangers. They opened with this song, and when the get to the chorus and the lead singer has the kick pedal set up by the mic and he starts hammering that thing and singing “Love it will not betray you, it will not dismay you, it will set you free” the crowd just erupted. I’ll never forget it. It would even be alright if another show never topped it. If you get the chance to see this band, do it. You’re not going to convince me of an excuse good enough not to.


5. Love Is All - Tallest Man On Earth


This is another song that has a moment that simply cannot be ignored. It’s a beautiful folk song that frankly, sounds from another era. He sounds more like Woody Guthrie than any other singer I can keep of. Its such a simple song, just him and an acoustic guitar, no accompaniment at all. And this chorus “Oh, I said I could rise from the harness of our goals, here come the tears but like always I let them go.” and when he hits always . . . I swear to God. It’s like the world stops revolving for a split second to hear this guy. His voice just sounds shredded and soulful. The song soon ends and the everything unfreezes, but if you listen to this song, prepare to be stopped in your tracks, if only for a few seconds.


4. Lemon world - The National


It could have been several songs off this band’s newest release High Violet, but this is the one I keep gravitating to. The National have been one of my favorite bands for several years now, but on this record they take it up a notch. Interestingly this is probably the simplest, most laid back song on the record. I think I can’t get enough of it because its so much fun to sing along to. “I‘m too tired to drive anywhere anyway right now, do you care if I stay” . . . the song just grooves. Singer Matt Berninger has the raddest phrasing, creating lines that are awesome not so much for what he is saying but more how he is saying it. Favorite line of the whole record “I’ll try to find something on this thing that means nothing enough.” I like to imagine being at someones house, someone you don’t know very well, and your rummaging through their records or scrolling through their ipod, and you’re trying to find the song that is perfect. Not too overbearing or epic, but not too easy to ignore or nothing-ish. Just . . . nothing enough.


3. It’s Ok With Me - Manchester Orchestra


I remember the first time I heard this song and the first half of the song was so beautiful that I was just praying “Please, please don’t take some weird turn for the worse. Please don’t start rocking out for no reason. Just stay like this.” And thank God it does. A drumless, baseless mournful dirge of a relationship just slowly, inevitably falling apart. The only other song I can think of to compare it to is the Hallelujah version by Jeff Buckley. I swear, when I listen to this song, its like a weird blend of every raw emotion
from a breakup I’ve ever been in. Which probably sounds fucking awful, but when I hear this song it’s, like Natalie Portman said in Garden State, like I’m in it. Andy Hull has one of the best voices I’ve ever heard and I think this band is going to be around a long time. The only bummer is this song is hard to find. It got released on a four song EP that came with their record when you bought it a local record store, some kind of promotion for buying local. But music nerds, just do what you need to do find this song, because its worth the effort.


2. Stay Lucky - The Gaslight Anthem


Is it premature to say Gaslight is on their way to being the most important rock band of our time? Maybe, because I think the term “important” is kind of stupid. However music affects you is valid regardless of what critics or magazines or the masses think. But if I did like such a stupid term, I think Gaslight would be that band, because, my God, they feel important to me. I didn’t think they could top their sophmore masterpiece ‘59 Sound, but they may have done just that with their new record American Slang. No longer are they writing songs about being in love and wild and being twenty. Now they are writing songs about being thirty, and how life just doesn’t seem to be turning out quite how they envisioned. “Mama told me there would be days like these until it was much too late to recover.” The best compliment I can pay this band is it feels like they are writing my songs, songs about my life. I think everyone at some point needs to have that band. It wouldn’t surprise me if The Gaslight Anthem could be it.


1. Hip Hop Saved My Life - Lupe Fiasco (Featuring Nikki Jean)


It crossed my mind to bury this song somewhere in the middle of this list. I mean, its unlike anything else on the list, and isn’t a good example of what I normally listen to. And it’s not like I can relate to this song exactly, the economic struggles of an aspiring MC who is trying to support a family. I thought about all those things but honestly it doesn’t matter, because the truth is, there was not a song in 2010 that I had a stronger emotional reaction to. Not one. I have this memory of driving on I-40 and listening to this song and realizing I was dangerously close to tears. What the fuck?!? The oddest thing is that phenomenon has happened a bunch of times. There is one thing I’ve never quite understood about punk rock. Making money is bad? I’m sure that’s a blanket statement but what I love about this song is that is exactly what it’s about. At the end you hear what he would do if he had more money and the content with Lupe’s urgent delivery is breathtaking. “told her when he get home he’ll take her to the gallery and buy everything but the mannequins.” It must be the passion. I’m starting to realize more and more that often in music, like the National song, its not what you say, it’s how you say it. I can’t think of anyone in any song who said it better than Lupe Fiasco did in this song.



So there you go, friends. These are my favorites of 2010. You should listen to them because I think there is a good chance you will like them. I hope at the very least there were some songs that had a similar effect. We’ll see what 2011 has to offer. Happy New Year.

#1, 2011

I was on the cover of a magazine. I have no idea how or why it happened. Someone must think I'm a writer.



Some things I'd like to do in 2011....
1. Travel somewhere warm and beachy.
2. Discover new music that is so good I can't sleep. That happened with Counting Crows, August and Everything After.
3. Learn how to can vegetables. Hahaha, that's been on my list for five years and I've never done it. No chance.
4. Prepare for the end of the world in 2012 by hoarding bottled water and toilet paper.
5. See a live concert.
6. Exercise three times a week with "Just Dance 2" on the Wii.
7. Make dinner and eat it at the table on a regular basis. As opposed to stick taquitos in the microwave for Jay and feed him while he watches basketball on TV and grab a handful of chips and a glass of wine for myself.

Whew! That's enough.

Speaking of food, here's a great soup....make it.....eat it.

Spicy Pecan Soup

2T butter
1/2 cup minced onion
3T minced garlic
6 cups chicken or vegetable stock
6 oz can tomato paste
2 cups heavy cream (I used almond milk instead and it was great, no cholesterol, way less calories)
2T lemon juice
3 cups pecan pieces
3T finely chopped chipotles (I only used 2T because I am mildly spicy girl)
salt/pepper

Cook and stir onion and garlic in butter for five minutes. pour i stock and whisk in tomato paste, cream and lemon juice. Bring to a boil. Turn to medium/low and add pecan pieces and chipotle. In batches, puree in blender Pour back into pot and heat. Super easy and REALLY tasty. Make beer bread to go along with it. Drink a buttery white wine, or a slightly tannic Chianti.

Christmas (voted most unoriginal post title, 2010)

I found a cool website called The Ripples Project and you will like it. Check it out.

This morning from the Ripples Project:
Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.
-Bobby (age 7)

Which gets me back to......Christmas!

Bumble and the Rudolph gang are out in full view. I sent out cards today, packages last week. I am making peppernuts and truffles and will be doing Christmas cookies tomorrow. We have a tree (fake) up and the outside of the house is decorated beautifully (thank you J & B). Hahaha, not the liquor. Jay and Barry. I always make horrible looking Christmas cookies but they usually taste good. Last year I had none of it. No tree or decorations or Bumble or peppernuts. The house was in total disarray with the remodel and man, my temper was short. Bah humbug!! Not this year, baby.

Maybe some of my joy emanates from the fact that I no longer work at Starbucks. Barry came through the drive-through on my last day and took a picture. After two years I had zero barista moments caught on film. I think I'm going through a little bit of withdrawal, although I certainly have no desire to keep working there. I had some great co-workers and it was better than working in a coal mine. Well, I think so. I've never worked in a coal mine. I knew I had to leave there because I was starting to really dislike people in general. Hahaha. Really. Someone would drive up to the window and I would have their drink and they would fumble around in their pocket or wallet and I would just be rolling my eyes and groaning (on the inside), thinking, "Did you not just order ten fucking minutes ago, and did you not KNOW you were going to have to pay once you made it up to the window? What have you been DOING?" And I'd like to think that's not the real me. That impatient, bitter, irritated person, getting all out of wack at someone just because they're being human. I'd like to think it was a build-up that took two years to get really bad. Man, I hope so. We'll see how many people I snap at over the next week for no reason. To be fair, there were a LOT of customers that yelled at ME for no reason (oh wait, I did forget the ten cent cup discount once or twice. And then there was that awful time I accidentally put vanilla flavoring in a drink instead of peppermint) but I still think I was overly CRAZY there at the end. And by crazy I mean way pissed off at everyone. I'm going to go heal now. Where's the red wine?

I sent out 50 Christmas cards today. I love sending cards. It's a tradition that reminds me of my mom. My parents received about 100 Christmas cards every year. It was such a warm and cozy thing, getting mail from old friends and reading the letters and feeling so loved. And my mom would send out at least that many, and she had a whole little satchel with stamps and cards and addresses sitting on the dining table for a week or so, as she wrote personal letters to each person. I love sending out the cards, although not as many people send cards back anymore. It's one of the disappointments of the Internet world, the ease of dashing off a Merry Christmas in an e-mail. Well, I plan to send cards and pictures every year. If you're not on my list, all you have to do is send me your address and I'll get you on for next year. Anyhow, here's my letter (the picture is funny, with a chicken on B's shoulder and the turtle floating in the air near the cat, but it's a total cut and paste, well, tape, so I can't include it here)........

Merry Christmas to all of you!!!

Here are the highlights and general catchings-up from our wonderful, busy, and occasionally nerve-wracking 2010.......

*Jay, myself, my sis, niece, and her two girls traveled to New York last February. My book was a finalist in the Patterson Poetry Prize and we were invited out for a reading. We LOVED the city. The Statue of Liberty, Mary Poppins on Broadway, a limo ride, and a stint on the Today Show (where Jay won us $100 for answering a Superbowl question correctly!) were the best moments. The fact that a winter snow storm was heading into New jersey and my reading was canceled was the only downside. But I went to NY city!!
*I got my Life Coach Certificate. Hahaha. Really. And I am GOOD.
*Barry finished the remodel on the house by putting in the laminate floor and hanging all the doors. He also built not only a stellar chicken coop but an entire flagstone patio in the back yard. It pretty much took over his whole summer but he did a beautiful job. He is making beautiful pottery - we have a studio in the garage and a gigantic kiln in the back yard - and was accepted into several shows.
*We now have a guinea pig, Buddy, that takes our animal count to ten. The three turtles, four chickens, Stan, the dog, and Magpie, the new cat, are all well and happy. Maggie gives Stan frequent bathes and he seems to be resigned to the attention. We lost our beloved cat, Barney, to illness and we miss him very much.
*I resigned from Starbucks and my last day is December 21st. It was a great job...and I’m really happy to be moving on! I’ll be teaching a full schedule at the community college and I’m looking very forward to NOT getting up at 3:30 a.m. anymore, which was my shift at Starbucks. Being at home when Jay gets up in the morning has become a priority these days too, and now I can do that.
*Barry and I became addicted to the Showtime series Dexter and watched four seasons in a month. I recommend it. Not the four seasons in a month...just the show.
*Jay is in 7th grade now, his first year in middle school. He is doing well in school and made the Honor Roll. And he hates Algebra. Unfortunately, my skill level is only up to fourth grade math so I’m not much help. He loves watching the NFL and playing drums. I’m sure the following information is getting repetitious but he is kind, loving, smart and funny. To temper that, he is also obstinate, allergic to chores and embarrassed by my every move.

It’s been a great year overall and we are thankful for our many blessings. I hope your Christmas season is brimming with warmth and love, and may your 2011 be prosperous, healthy, and filled with fun and loved ones.

Blessings.

Cha cha cha cha changes.......

I did it. I gave my notice at Starbucks. I have four shifts left. I worked at Starbucks for a little over two years and I have to say, it wasn't all bad. When I first got the job, I felt like I won the lottery. Benefits, early morning hours, FREE FUCKING COFFEE, and a relaxed atmosphere. My co-workers were fun, and mainly, I was going to get a regular paycheck. Woo Hooooo! I did love it in the beginning. I wrote quite often about it here, on my blog. And then two years went by. I still liked it, but there were gnawing things. My poor body was giving out. Damn, I developed a sharp pain in my hip (I'm eighty years old) from the pivot at the drive-through window. My upper body hurt like crazy on a regular basis. The need to BE at work at 4:15 a.m. was making me tired and crabby. My legs ached daily because we were on our feet for the whole shift, running around like a bunch of lunatics, with a measly 10 minute break. Now you may think I should just blame it on a sedentary lifestyle and old age, but it was happening to the twenty year olds too. Plus, big problem, I noticed the customers getting angrier and angrier about coffee. People would YELL at me. About their COFFEE. "Eeeehhh, you didn't put enough vanilla in my latteeeee!" and "You forgot my cup discount. How many times have you done that? You owe me a refund for all the times you didn't give me a cup discount. Can I speak to your manager?" Really, those things happen. And many customers at Starbucks feel entitled to have their coffee exactly how they want it, and they feel they're right to yell loudly at their barista to get it that way. Ahemmm. Not anymore, baby. I still like Starbucks. I really adore most of the people I worked with. I just love some of the regular customers. I'm sure I'll grab a coffee there on occasion. But I don't have to work there anymore. Did you hear me sing that last sentence? To the tune of naa naa naa naa naaaaa na? Instead I'm going to write coffee table books. Hahaha. Not really. Well, maybe.

Another reason I resigned from my job at Starbucks is that I want to be home in the morning with my son. It's his first year of middle school and I think he needs to have me around in the morning to fix lunch and check breakfast consumption and talk about math. B does a great job making french toast and he's been a tremendous morning presence, but I think I need to be there too (so I can eat B's french toast). Although my son is mortified by me in public, heaven forbid I actually speak, he seems to like me okay in the mornings inside the privacy of our home. I don't want to lose touch with the homework and the friends (whose parents I don't even know) and the upcoming school dance news and the possible future acne problems. And mornings, sitting at the dining table with a cup of coffee, a bowl of yogurt and granola, maybe a piece of french toast, and the sun coming up seem like a perfect moment to touch base on the coming day.

Okay, moving away from the self-evolved, responsible person, I have to ask...have you SEEN Dexter? Good lord, this is the best show on TV. Watch it from the beginning. Season 3 is a little weak in places (Rita, just go away) but it's a tightly written, well acted series. A serial killer with a freakish past that works for the police and only kills people who deserve it. Yeah baby. It's gory and smart and sexy and WEIRD. I still need to check out Breaking Bad, and I do want to watch Weeds, so there are other shows out there, since, ughhh, the last Dexter of the season is on this Sunday. If you don't get Showtime, it IS possible to see it on your computer.

Also, getting back to Starbucks for a minute, as I was writing about it I wanted to give you a way to read all the blogs I've written about it in the past. I mean, who can forget the story about the wild cat attack in the blue car (talk about gory). I'm going to attempt to go back over all my posts and label them so I can steer you to related posts. Hahaha, we'll see how long that takes me.

The Television Chronicles Part 2.....Plus

I solved the television dilemma. I took the second new TV back and bought an old TV off Craig's List. Wooohooo! $125 for a Sony Trinitron HDTV (with stand and Sony receiver and VHS [what's that?] and a DVD player) that isn't quite so blurry as the other two new expensive TVs. Now, you should know that my son wept upon hearing this decision. "You mean we're going to have a FAT TV?" the young man said and I laughed wickedly and shouted YES, YES A FAT TV. HAHAHA! and he got teary and said, "How big is it?" and I replied, ONLY 30 INCHES!!!! HAHAHA! and he punched his frustration into the couch and shed a tear realizing that he was NOT going to have a thin, large TV with a sharp picture and TIVO. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not the mom who wants to be playing board games and twenty questions instead of watching American Idol. I am just trying to get through my Direct TV contract as unscathed as possible and that means until September 11, 2011 I cannot do anything that extends my contract.....such as getting an HD box or even TALKING with a Direct TV representative. Every 15 minutes on the phone with a rep from that place adds two years onto your contract. Not really but almost.

Halloween was a little bittersweet this year (yes, I'm writing about Halloween). Every year for 5 or 6 years, the moms walked the kids around the neighborhood. The moms would sip warm Tom and Jerry's (recipe follows) and the kids would run around collecting candy. We have a big neighborhood so it was a couple hour ordeal. But it was fun and there was lots of laughing and waving and hellos. We saw neighbors we hadn't seen in a while and saw scary werewolves and dainty princesses. And our kids were young and carefree and excited. And innocent. This year some of the kids were over Halloween - teenagers! - and some were out of town and it wasn't the same. BUT, mostly it made me aware of life moving on and that the parties and holidays and night times for Jay were changing. It just made me really miss those other times and it made me realize they're over. Not coming back. No more little kid, but soon to be teenager. And moms don't follow their 14 year olds around in a pack like that. Hahaha.

Of course my one consolation is that some people never grow up. Here's B and I, Hairy Potter and Tippy Hedren. Classic movie night. I guess Halloween never dies, the parties just change. I kept running my sewn-on birds into everyone.

Tom and Jerry Recipe.....
Ingredients
3 egg whites
3 egg yolks
3 Tablespoons powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 jigger lukewarm brandy
1 jigger lukewarm rum
hot water, milk or coffee
grated nutmeg
Beat egg whites til stiff froth. Separately beat egg yolks until light in color and then gradually beat in sugar, allspice, cinnamon and cloves. Fold yolk mixture into whites and pour 2 tablespoons of this mixture into each of four 8-ounce mugs. Add 1/2 jigger brandy and 1 jigger dark rum to each mug. Fill mugs with very hot water, milk, or coffee. Stir well and sprinkle the top with grated nutmeg.

After making fun of my son earlier for his TV love, I'll have to brag about him now for his thank you notes. Okay, ONE thank you note.
This is not status quo for him, but I intend to use this as a prototype for Christmas this year. Normally, he writes a simple (sparse) thanks for the gift kind of note, as in Thanks For The Gift is all he writes. This time he elaborated and was surprisingly articulate. It made me proud. If you click on the picture you can read it.

And then, a weird thing....back when I was playing Scrabble, a friend and I were about to finish our game. There were no tiles left and it was my turn. I looked at the tiles and it dawned on me...they were a mixed up spelling of POET! Freak my shit out. It was so cool I had to take a picture of it. And then I had to tell most people I spoke to that entire week. Obviously the weird thing here is not that those four letters could spell poet....the weird thing was my reaction to it. Hahahaha.

This has been a wonderful weekend. We all went to see Unstoppable, which was an okay movie. I bought the 2011 Harkins movie cup so I can get dollar cokes (although I usually have them fill it with water which mostly defeats the purpose) and I'm looking forward to movies galore. I had a great Thanksgiving with a couple days in Phoenix (Coyote game and zoo) and then back to Flagstaff for Thanksgiving dinner and pie. Then pie for breakfast, pie for lunch, and even pie for dinner since. I have a great family, great friends and a great life. I miss my folks but I also know they raised me well and happy. I am surrounded by little wonders every day. And I see them. My son, my B, my running water and my food in my fridge (and by food I mean pie). And then 647 other things and people and memories that keep me going. And I am just so thankful for all of it.

"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man
has many, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men
have some. "
--Charles Dickens (1812-1870) English novelist

"To be alive, to be able to see, to walk...it's all a miracle. I have
adopted the technique of living life from miracle to miracle."
--Arthur Rubinstein

The Television Chronicles

This story is meant to be a metaphor about something. A message, in a sense, about the world, in a way that I haven't yet deciphered. Truth be told, I'd like to be profound, and I think there's a bigger picture here (no pun intended) but I really think it might also just be a slice-o-life anecdote. Enough preface.......

I bought a TV from Sam's Club a couple years ago. Vizio, 37" HDMI flatscreen. $749 smackers. Nice TV. I never did get HDMI. Too expensive, plus the fact that there are just a few HD channels out there. I DID, however, get the three year service plan. I have NEVER done anything like that before. So, about three months ago, the TV goes out. I remember the service plan. I believe I may have danced around the kitchen at that point, hollering Waaaahooooo. Maybe not. I called the service company and they sent me a big-ass box, I sent the TV off to Minnesota, and I waited. After almost two months, I called 'em up. Hey, where's my TV? My TV was not fixable so I got a check to go get another.

B and I read every possible thing about televisions on the Internet. I now know about 1080i, 120 hz, and LED vs LCD. We found another Vizio at Walmart; LED, HDMI, 1080, 120, and bigger (42") on sale, two year additional service plan, bought it, got it home, set it up and it SUCKED. I'm still too cheap to pay the huge amount for the HD box AND HD service (somewhere in this blog is a post about my absolute disdain (hatred) for Direct TV) and two more years added on to my contract. Come to find out, HDTV without the HD service is crapola.

Took that TV back and got the exact TV I had before, smaller, LCD, 60 hz, thinking this would be better. Not really.

So here's my disjointed commentary.....why don't they just make standard televisions anymore? The HD technology seems to be out of wack. There are only a few HD channels. Standard channels are blurry and pixilated on HD tvs. The whole thing is a great big mess. Okay, I don't even watch much TV, but really, when I am watching the Cardinals play, I just want a clear picture. There is just something crazy about the world having come up with the technology for amazingly clear vivid television, and then not making TV's that work with that technology.

Whew. Anyhow, now we have a TV in the living room that still has plastic on the sides (to my son's chagrin) as I am waiting to see what happens during the pre-Christmas sales.

Switching the subject, I have to say I wonder sometimes about what the animals do when we're gone during the day. Today I found out.....

My artist's Life

I found this on Facebook.....oh, wait, first, before you read my fabulous artist's statement, make your own!!

Get your own artist's statement here


Jill's Artist Statement


"Through my work I attempt to examine the phenomenon of Wiley Coyote as a methaphorical interpretation of both Salvador Dali and fishing.

What began as a personal journey of shitism has translated into images of Huevos Rancheros and toes that resonate with caucasian people to question their own yellowness.

My mixed media twigs embody an idiosyncratic view of The Dali Lama, yet the familiar imagery allows for a connection between Milton Berle, marigolds and eggs.

My work is in the private collection of Ed Asner who said 'Holy Crimenetly!, that's some real itty bitty Art.'

I am a recipient of a grant from Folsom Prison where I served time for stealing mugs and tie clips from the gift shop of The Museum of Tolerance. I have exhibited in group shows at Freddy's Steakburger and The Metropolitan , though not at the same time. I currently spend my time between my hallway and Berlin."

Hahahaha! That is probably very right on.

Robot Games

So here's the deal with Scrabble and me.

I loved Scrabble. Scrabble meant sitting at the table with a glass of wine and a dozen chocolate chips in a small shallow bowl. Little wooden tiles on a little wooden rack. Keeping score on the back of a used envelope to save paper. Writing my seven point scores (B kicks my butt most of the time) with my favorite pen, a Pilot Razor, gray with a little yellow top and the smallest, yet smoothest felt tip nib. Ahhhh, THAT was Scrabble. Then I found Facebook Scrabble. I could play many games at once, one play a day, anytime I wanted. It was fun and I became addicted. It was pretty wild though, and people were fucking smarter than I thought they were. The other players were throwing down crazy words, as in, these people were using Q with no u after it. Come ON people, there is always a u after a Q. Words like qoph and ose and faucal and mikron. Hahahaha. Those aren't words! But yes, yes they are as far as Scrabble Facebook is concerned. Well, come to find out, there are sites on the internet that are Scrabble cheat sites. Just type in your letters and you get all the words you can imagine....and then some. Seven letter words, six letter words, whatever you need. That's where all those fancy schmancy words were coming from (except Ann, who does NOT cheat). So, what did I do. I JOINED IN. I cheated too. I spent hours cheating. I wasted an unbelievable amount of time plugging my letters into a little box and pouring over which words I should use. Then I had my epiphany.....Scrabble had become a huge time suck where I didn't have to think or even relate to anyone else. I wasn't even using my brain. The only goal was to beat someone else's score. What in the hell was wrong with me!!!??? I could have been reading a book, or writing a book, or watching the Discovery Channel. I could have been playing real live Scrabble and using my BRAIN. Shoot, I could have been blogging. So, I'm not playing anymore (except with Ann). Facebook Scrabble anyway. If anyone wants to play Scrabble with me, you have to come over, have a glass of wine, chat and think.

Also, you still have three days to send me a cocktail napkin poem (see my last blog). Do it!

Use A Pen......

Okay, here's the deal. I will be hosting a little poetry reading at this great bar, Uptown Billiards, on Wednesday. I decided the theme would be "Cocktail Napkin Poems." This would be any poem written, or sounding like it was written, on a cocktail napkin. I'm thinking Bukowski, Hemingway, etc... poems that might be on the shorter side. BUT, I will also read poems written by YOU! Or, you can come read them yourself. So, when you're out this weekend, write a poem on a cocktail napkin and e-mail the poem to me. jilliebug@aol.com. Do it!!!! Just get the poem to me by Wednesday afternoon. Yay! Six o'clock Wednesday night. I will write a poem too...probably tonight....possibly at Uptown Billiards.

110 days of self imposed non blogging

These are the monsters. I will tell you about them. They live in that cup; the one with Bear on the front. The brownish one in the front appears to be levitating. They were found a few days ago in the shower, Jay's shower, when he noticed a big fat spider web entrenched in the larger container the cup and the monsters and a small personalized watering can were in. This solved one mystery....where in the heck did that huge spider come from that crawled up Jay's small white rib cage and made him, a twelve year old boy, jump from the shower and run screaming into the hall like a little girl (his words). So, back to the monsters. The monsters have lived in the cup for years now. They were a bath game Jay and I used to play when he was a tiny boy, appropriately called "monster toss." I would hold the cup and he would try and toss the monsters in, while I moved the cup around to CATCH the monsters. We were both working toward the same outcome - Jay winning the game.

Now the monsters are under the sink, in the cup, waiting for the day when someone might play monster toss again, or the day they will be thrown away, or the day they will be sent off to Goodwill. My desire is, of course, the future monster toss game. Do you ever just wonder, though, what in the heck's going to happen? I don't think I'll ever be destitute. I envision hanging out in this house, traveling, teaching, doing art and writing and allofthat, with my child (who, even in college should only be a text away) and my man. This is the curse and the blessing of life. I think we all want the best and we all want to be the best, but in that itty bitty recess of blank space left in the brain, we all sometimes wonder, WHERE AM I GOING? So I shut that damn hatch under the rug, down the tunnel, in that back recess of my mind and plan things like Italy and grocery shopping and writing a book, and 25 years down the line, another tiny child (Jay's, not mine) to play monster toss with. I am the perpetual looker on the bright side of.

Today is The Day of the Dead, celebrated November 1st and 2nd. I just made a chocolate cake from scratch. The recipe is written on the inside of an old envelope in my mother's hand. It's probably 50 years old. It's called "Peggy's Devils Food Cake." I do not know who Peggy is. I also have two small loaves of zucchini bread in the fridge for my dad, who died on The Day of the Dead. I wrote my parents a letter too, so they can kick back, eat cake and bread and read my letter.

So, I didn't blog for a very long time. I started one in August with this....

So, Barry says to me a week or so ago...".You should just delete your blog. You don't write anymore. Just get rid of it." Then my friend Maggie makes a little snarky comment like, "So, I guess you're not blogging anymore...." As time goes on I am the recipient of several more comments like that,,,,"Go home and BLOG" was a subtle one, as was, "I have no idea what's going on with you because YOU'RE NOT BLOGGING ANYMORE." Hahahahahaha. I caught you! I caught you all!!!! You missed me. You WERE reading even though you never had the cajones to comment. Fine. That's all I needed to know.

and then I was done. And then no one even commented anymore. I think I had (have) writer's block, although I don't believe in writer's block. I think Writer's Block is a made-up disease like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (Hahaha, people are going to hate me now). I just couldn't write. No desire, no words, no ability. Finally I was even ejected from Tyge's Perennial Buds list, which truly verified my non-existence in the blog world.

Here I am.

All of the following 20 things are true and have happened during the last 110 days.....

1. I got a motorcycle (1968 Honda 90).
2. I got a motorcycle licence.
3. We have a new cat (Magpie).
4. Jay started middle school.
5. I only work two days a week at Starbucks now.
6. I have my Life Coach certificate.
7. I take a pottery class.
8. Flagstaff has a Freddy's Steakburger.
9. I had a swell garden.
10. I got two oil changes.
11. The patio is done.
12. I got new tires.
13. Went to Kansas.
14. I met Barry's aunt.
15. Jay got a guinea pig (Buddy).
16. I became addicted to storage unit sales
17. I vowed to not buy anything else that needs to be fixed.
18. We turned the whole garage into an art studio.
19. I plucked 17 hairs out of my chin (not at the same time).
20. I started teaching my beloved poetry class.

Bonus #21. We discovered how to watch current episodes of Dexter on the computer without forking over the dough to Showtime!

I'm alive!

I completely forgot I had a blog. Hahahaha. Not really. But it seems that way, huh?

I found a video that supports my life's purpose.......



which is......Have Fun. Or....Enjoy. Or even....You Better Go On Out There And Have A Good Time Because Life Is Fucking Short.

So, I've been doing things. Jay and I went to Kansas. We took our friends, Jackie and Michael, and had a great time. We went to the underground salt mines and to the Cosmosphere. We had a six course Italian dinner at this really cool Italian Villa in a field near Inman, Kansas. We almost went to see the "biggest ball of twine" but didn't have time. Jackie and I sat on the porch every morning with coffee and every night with a beer. And people think there's nothing to do in Kansas?!?!

Here's a little bragging story about Jay. We were at the cosmosphere and Jay found 16$ on the floor. He brought it to me and said, mom, I found this money. I looked at him and thought, cool, that will pay for your souvenirs, and he said, we need to take it to the front desk and see if anyone lost it. So we took it to the front desk and I told them that we found some cash and if anyone came up asking about it to call my cell phone number and that we would check back in a couple hours too. Well, no one ever checked in so he did get to keep the 16 bucks but I was happy that he wanted to do the right thing. And I did not make him buy his souvenirs with it.

No new Starbucks stories really....although please note that if you're mean to us, we WILL decaf you. Hahahaha.

Okay, okay, one more thing about Starbucks. Why, oh why, would anyone think it's acceptable to spit out their gum at the drive-through window? Really??? Adults??? It has to be adults because it's the front driver side window. There's scads of chewed gum on the ground. Yuck!

The following is a little movie I made called "Chicken Bliss." The chickens have a new beautiful house, courtesy of Barry, and they take many wonderful dust baths there. Check it out.....

Just kidding. I cannot get my little "camera filmed" video on my blog. Here, instead is a picture of the wondrous coop and thriving garden.



If I can ever catch up with the technological age, I'll get that chicken bliss video on here.

Moving on, I have to mention Tom Cruise. Not a fan really. I think Katie is being held captive in some Scientology castle and Tom calls all the shots. I think he is a lunatic and a narcissist. But, B and I saw the movie, Knight and Day, last week and I loved it. I even liked Tom. He and Cameron Diaz were great! Wonderful movie. Good writing, timing, acting and chemistry. I'm not a fan of Katie's either, by the way.

We also saw Toy Story which was brilliant, and Robin Hood, which was not. I want to see The Kids Are All Right and Cyrus but the odds are that they won't even make it to Flagstaff. Despicable Me looks good and so does The Sorcerers Apprentice (Nic Cage playing a strange, weird person? Nooooo).

So, I didn't blog for over a month. That was disappointing. I love to blog. I feel more connected and creative when I blog. Plus, when I only blog once in a blue moon, I know I'm leaving out important stuff. I have to say that working at 4:15 in the morning doesn't help my writing. I don't have time for writing in the A.M. and I don't have the energy for it in the P.M. Hmmmm, change might be necessary. I'll work on it.

Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard.
--Anne Sexton

Whoops

I went to a party today. At a big fat swanky house. A big house out in the woods with a view of the San Fransisco Peaks and quite a few dead animals inside. There were two bear rugs with the heads still attached and a mountain lion (full body) over the fireplace and an elk head peering out of the wall. Several birds and a few more furry things. We got there around four and I succeeded in dropping cashews all over the floor within the first ten minutes, to be followed by dropping my glass of red wine on the floor several minutes later (thank GOD it was a hard wood floor and not plush white carpet). As I left, I tripped while saying goodbye and thank you to the host, who must have thought I'd been drinking all day. No SIR, I wanted to say, it's just how I roll.

B and I cut out of the party around 6:00 with Jay and two of his friends in tow and went to see The Karate Kid (btw, it's Kung Fu), which was sold out, so we ended up at The A Team, which was just as cheesy as the TV show used to be except that Bradley Cooper was in it. I have the "Movie Cup" and "Movie Shirt" (because I am cheap) and ordered one large "Movie Cup" Coke and three water glasses and divided the large Coke into the three glasses for the boys. B may have pointed out how cheap (see) that was or it could have been my own guilt ringing in my ears, so I got three Nerd Ropes so Jay would not have to be completely embarrassed by his FRUGAL mom and everyone was happy. The movie wasn't bad either, although I still want to see Karate Kid. We've watched a plethora of depressing movies as of late....The Messenger, The Road and Hounddog in the last week, so a movie that had no desolate landscape, dying soldiers or child rape was a welcome change.

I have a new passion. It's storage unit auctions. OMG. Yes, OMG. They are so fun! It kind of work on the "grab bag" theory for me. You pay for something in a box and you really have no idea what you're going to get. I bought a back pack for two bucks. Inside were four text books, a Texas Instruments scientific calculator and some other things. I've already sold the calculator on ebay and B sold one of the text books on Amazon. I filled my Pilot up to the BRIM for 26 dollars. There was so much bizarre junk spilling out of my car that B got a tension knot just looking at it. And I have tripled my money in twenty four hours and I still have tons of things left. "We have two boxes in front of Stoney...let's see Stoney, it looks like I can see five leather knife sheaths on top there, oh, no knives....and maybe some DVDs on the side...lots of other things in there, and we'll start with one dollar, anybody, one dollar, one, we got two anybody two and a half, we got two and a half, three, three anybody four, four we got there, and it goes for three to that young lady over there." I'm going every weekend.