I'm alive!

I completely forgot I had a blog. Hahahaha. Not really. But it seems that way, huh?

I found a video that supports my life's purpose.......



which is......Have Fun. Or....Enjoy. Or even....You Better Go On Out There And Have A Good Time Because Life Is Fucking Short.

So, I've been doing things. Jay and I went to Kansas. We took our friends, Jackie and Michael, and had a great time. We went to the underground salt mines and to the Cosmosphere. We had a six course Italian dinner at this really cool Italian Villa in a field near Inman, Kansas. We almost went to see the "biggest ball of twine" but didn't have time. Jackie and I sat on the porch every morning with coffee and every night with a beer. And people think there's nothing to do in Kansas?!?!

Here's a little bragging story about Jay. We were at the cosmosphere and Jay found 16$ on the floor. He brought it to me and said, mom, I found this money. I looked at him and thought, cool, that will pay for your souvenirs, and he said, we need to take it to the front desk and see if anyone lost it. So we took it to the front desk and I told them that we found some cash and if anyone came up asking about it to call my cell phone number and that we would check back in a couple hours too. Well, no one ever checked in so he did get to keep the 16 bucks but I was happy that he wanted to do the right thing. And I did not make him buy his souvenirs with it.

No new Starbucks stories really....although please note that if you're mean to us, we WILL decaf you. Hahahaha.

Okay, okay, one more thing about Starbucks. Why, oh why, would anyone think it's acceptable to spit out their gum at the drive-through window? Really??? Adults??? It has to be adults because it's the front driver side window. There's scads of chewed gum on the ground. Yuck!

The following is a little movie I made called "Chicken Bliss." The chickens have a new beautiful house, courtesy of Barry, and they take many wonderful dust baths there. Check it out.....

Just kidding. I cannot get my little "camera filmed" video on my blog. Here, instead is a picture of the wondrous coop and thriving garden.



If I can ever catch up with the technological age, I'll get that chicken bliss video on here.

Moving on, I have to mention Tom Cruise. Not a fan really. I think Katie is being held captive in some Scientology castle and Tom calls all the shots. I think he is a lunatic and a narcissist. But, B and I saw the movie, Knight and Day, last week and I loved it. I even liked Tom. He and Cameron Diaz were great! Wonderful movie. Good writing, timing, acting and chemistry. I'm not a fan of Katie's either, by the way.

We also saw Toy Story which was brilliant, and Robin Hood, which was not. I want to see The Kids Are All Right and Cyrus but the odds are that they won't even make it to Flagstaff. Despicable Me looks good and so does The Sorcerers Apprentice (Nic Cage playing a strange, weird person? Nooooo).

So, I didn't blog for over a month. That was disappointing. I love to blog. I feel more connected and creative when I blog. Plus, when I only blog once in a blue moon, I know I'm leaving out important stuff. I have to say that working at 4:15 in the morning doesn't help my writing. I don't have time for writing in the A.M. and I don't have the energy for it in the P.M. Hmmmm, change might be necessary. I'll work on it.

Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard.
--Anne Sexton

Whoops

I went to a party today. At a big fat swanky house. A big house out in the woods with a view of the San Fransisco Peaks and quite a few dead animals inside. There were two bear rugs with the heads still attached and a mountain lion (full body) over the fireplace and an elk head peering out of the wall. Several birds and a few more furry things. We got there around four and I succeeded in dropping cashews all over the floor within the first ten minutes, to be followed by dropping my glass of red wine on the floor several minutes later (thank GOD it was a hard wood floor and not plush white carpet). As I left, I tripped while saying goodbye and thank you to the host, who must have thought I'd been drinking all day. No SIR, I wanted to say, it's just how I roll.

B and I cut out of the party around 6:00 with Jay and two of his friends in tow and went to see The Karate Kid (btw, it's Kung Fu), which was sold out, so we ended up at The A Team, which was just as cheesy as the TV show used to be except that Bradley Cooper was in it. I have the "Movie Cup" and "Movie Shirt" (because I am cheap) and ordered one large "Movie Cup" Coke and three water glasses and divided the large Coke into the three glasses for the boys. B may have pointed out how cheap (see) that was or it could have been my own guilt ringing in my ears, so I got three Nerd Ropes so Jay would not have to be completely embarrassed by his FRUGAL mom and everyone was happy. The movie wasn't bad either, although I still want to see Karate Kid. We've watched a plethora of depressing movies as of late....The Messenger, The Road and Hounddog in the last week, so a movie that had no desolate landscape, dying soldiers or child rape was a welcome change.

I have a new passion. It's storage unit auctions. OMG. Yes, OMG. They are so fun! It kind of work on the "grab bag" theory for me. You pay for something in a box and you really have no idea what you're going to get. I bought a back pack for two bucks. Inside were four text books, a Texas Instruments scientific calculator and some other things. I've already sold the calculator on ebay and B sold one of the text books on Amazon. I filled my Pilot up to the BRIM for 26 dollars. There was so much bizarre junk spilling out of my car that B got a tension knot just looking at it. And I have tripled my money in twenty four hours and I still have tons of things left. "We have two boxes in front of Stoney...let's see Stoney, it looks like I can see five leather knife sheaths on top there, oh, no knives....and maybe some DVDs on the side...lots of other things in there, and we'll start with one dollar, anybody, one dollar, one, we got two anybody two and a half, we got two and a half, three, three anybody four, four we got there, and it goes for three to that young lady over there." I'm going every weekend.

Monday....

I want a bigger life. I LOVE my life. But I want bigger. B and I saw the movie "Blood Into Wine" Saturday and it was wonderful. It's a pseudo-documentary which is also a real documentary about Maynard Keenan from the band Tool and his new (well, for the last ten years) wine making business. I thought...this guy is probably a goofy wild-ass rocker who is putting his name on wine that he has nothing to do with. But the guy is committed! He's articulate and fairly humble. If it comes to your area, see it! So, about the bigger life.....I want to do something big like that. Make a movie, work for something I'm passionate about, or write a coffee table book that rivals Kramer's (remember that Seinfeld episode?). Seriously.

Jay ran a 5K on Saturday morning. He did really good. He wore Vans. Holyyyy crap. I didn't realize it until the race was over and B pointed it out. "Look what shoes he's wearing." He came in 4th for his age bracket. With Vans. I said, "wasn't it hard to run" and he replied, "YES." I am NOT taking this on as my fault however. He IS twelve and should know what shoes to wear. I signed him up immediately for another race and bought him some running shoes.

We're heading out for Durango in a matter of minutes. Jay's class has a field trip to learn about the Colorado Plateau and we're actually going there. Cabins by a river. Mesa Verde. Snacks. S'mores. Twenty 6th graders with hormones raging. This is it, baby. The last field trip. In middle school the parents do NOT go along. I've already been informed. But Jay is excited I'm going and I get to ride along with my filed trip buddy for the last 6 years, Audra, and we're going to enjoy it. Mainly, Frito's and bean dip. Every field trip, Frito's and bean dip. We may drive everyone else away but we are having fun. Hahaha.

Meeeee

I have run out of things about MEEE to write about. Well, it's temporary, I just am having a hard time writing every day about me. I'm still going to honor the thirty days of MEEE plan, just not thirty days in a row.

Do you remember that joke from Jr High? The one that had something to do with a store having a sign out front that said "Open 24 hours" and when some guy went there to buy something at 2:00 a.m., there was no one there and the store was closed. So he goes back the next day and says to the manager, "I thought you were open 24 hours" and the manager says, "Well yeah, but not IN A ROW."

That joke was funny in Jr High.



Anyway, I love lady bugs. Here is a picture of a whole clump of them. It's not like these all just descended on my garden, no, I had to spend money to get this many ladybugs. I used to think ladybugs were bringers of good luck.Does it matter if you have to pay to get them? I suppose it would be like buying a rabbit's foot (how archaic is THAT these days) or a horseshoe. So, I am overflowing with good luck....or at least when good things happen this week, I will blame it on the ladybugs. In this picture they are on my tomatillo plant. Yesterday I planted eight tomato plants, a tomatillo, a yellow bell pepper, an eggplant, yellow squash, zucchini and pumpkin. Even in the midst of my black hole of a backyard, the garden is growing.


We saw Robin Hood and I wasn't really impressed. I want to go see Letters From Juliet, even though I'm not a huge chick flick girl. Nothing can beat "When Harry Met Sally" as far as I'm concerned. But I want to see Vanessa Redgrave with her real life sweetie. Plus, it looks CUTE. Sleepless in Seattle, You've got Mail, those are cute too, and Bridget Jones Diary (the first one, baby) is great and makes me laugh the entire movie, but WHMS is still the classic, supreme romantic comedy of contemporary film.

Random pieces.....I am making plans for Kansas. I cannot stand wind. Quinoa is becoming a favorite food. I still miss the Barneys. I have several nervous tics. I would like to rent a house in Italy for a month some summer.

Gaga for the Internet

I have a couple things. First, I like some of Lady Gaga's music. Really. It's fun and I like her voice and it's great car dancing stimulis. She dresses like a very rich crack whore (okay, how many crack whores do I know - zero), and I have to respect the total "I don't give a damn what you think" attitude. But as much as I like her songs, I like the covers even better. Here's one....



and here's another.....



I am not the only one who finds her interesting and her songs worthy, obviously.

Second, I am fully integrated into the world of the Internet. I have a blog, I participate on Facebook, I have two e-mail addresses (one for people I know and one as an address to put down for superfluous things) and I am on the Internet EVERY DAY. There is a part of that that saddens me. I know I would get much more done in my life if I didn't have internet. But I also love keeping in touch with good people. I have blog friends. I can check in with relatives I haven't seen for ages. I DO feel more connected with friends and family. I believe, once again, it's all a matter of moderation. I still keep lists of things I have to do and I am very careful to be aware when those things aren't getting done. I try to limit myself to an hour a day TOTAL on the internet, and I try to make it around 8:00 - 9:00 at night, when other things aren't available anyway.

Sometimes the world changes and I miss the old. I can't help but think back to when I was a kid and we spent so much time outdoors. Now, many of the kids I know spend most of their time on the computer or playing electronic games and watching TV. Plus, we used to stay out roaming the neighborhood during the summer until 10:00 at night. Parents are so very careful these days and there are so many quacks out there that kids stay much closer to home. This technology is amazing but sometimes I think it's making us all lazy. At least with wireless, I can sit in a lawn chair and catch some sun while I read about what someone ate for breakfast on Facebook. Hahaha.

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, and die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. - Robert A. Heinlein

Refills

I haven't shared a Starbucks angst story lately so I suppose it's time. Today an older gentleman walked in. Maybe 65. He had his own cup. He pushed it toward me and said, "Refill" to which I replied, "Did you already have one today?" See, we give cheapie refills IF you had a cup already TODAY. Not yesterday. Not last week and you kept your dirty old Starbucks cup, which is fraying at the edges. No. Today only. He said, "Er, uhh, yes." and I picked his nice stainless steel mug up and it was cold as a wet tennis shoe in a pond in January in Wisconsin (I will NOT accept the term cold-as-ice from any of my students). I looked at him. "Today?" I repeated. And he said, "I had one last night." I put on my best Girl Scout smile and said, "I am so sorry but we can't do a refill, although I can give you the personal cup discount." Silence. Hatred. Inner snarling busting through his pores.

He said, "We'll, I've been traveling all over the country and you are the FIRST one to not give me a refill." And with that, he licked his thumb and made an imaginary mark in the air. "Yes, you are the FIRST, so that must mean something." And he gave me the big evil eye (I couldn't MAKE this shit up.) So, I got him his coffee and he had to pay all of 1.93 and he walked off toward the condiment bar. I rang up a few more things and noticed him standing by the drink pick-up area. I walked over and said, "May I help you, sir." and he said, "Well, little lady, you didn't give me my cup discount, now did you?" and I said, "Yes, I did." and I gave him the exact drink/discount/tax amounts and he started to walk away. Kind of turned and looked over his shoulder at me. "I work for Starbucks, you know." Hahahaha. Yeah, right. People.

Reciprocation

I believe in one main theory regarding relationships. And I'm not talking "relationships" as much as just general howdy-do, conversational, friendship, what-not interactions. Reciprocity. When someone asks you a question, ask one back, When someone says, "How's your day going?" ask them that same question back after you answer, "Fine, except I hate this freaking wind." So, whether I was remiss, or whether he's just being stubborn, my son is refusing to comply. I don't believe he's doing it out of utter rudeness; he's the king of the please and thank-you. But when someone, anyone says, "Hi, how are you today?" he says, "Good." and lets it go at that. Call me a nit-picker (actually don't, because that is GROSS) but I really want him to reciprocate when speaking with adult....or any one for that matter. So, we started attaching the response to his allowance. I think he's going to get it now :)

The family. We were a strange little band of characters
trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one
another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other
out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same
instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the
common thread that bound us all together. ~Erma Bombeck

My Mom.....

I entered some contest about "my mom is the best mom because...." I did not win, although I think I should have. Not only was my mom the best, but my entry was the best. Hahaha. I hope we all believe our own mom was the best mom. Happy mother's Day to all you moms and moms-to-be out there. Here is my entry.....

She had the best smile. She always had my back. She would push the hair away from my face very nicely, even when she said, "Aren't you ever going to do anything with your hair?" She would pick me up from school when I was in the sixth grade and take me to lunch every other Friday and we would get 13 cent hamburgers from Bike's Burger Bar. She bought me a Mr Peanut Peanut Butter Maker once. She was the best mom because she always knew how to have fun. Sometimes she would laugh until tears rolled down her cheeks. She was patient and kind. She would take me along with her when she would do volunteer work in the hopes that I would learn to see outside myself. She would stand on the front porch and watch tornadoes roll in when my dad and I would hide in the basement. She was strong but she was loving. My mom was the best because, even when she had Alzheimers and couldn't remember my name, she still knew that she loved me when I walked in the door. When I was in Girl Scouts she was the Scout Leader, and she never let me earn the badges without hard work. She made the best fried chicken and mashed potatoes. One time when I was six and in the dentist's office, the dentist told me to "Stop crying damnit" when he poked my tongue, and my mom flew into the examination room and said "Don't you ever talk to my daughter that way again." My mom made sure I said my pleases and thank-you's. She made it through a tough childhood without becoming bitter or hardened. My mom was the best mom because she kept hope and happiness and love in her heart and in her life and mostly, in her family.

Telescopes and Dinner

I love weekends. This morning B headed out to a garage sale across town to look at a clarinet stand (He is teaching himself to play and has "When the Saints Go Marching In" and "When I'm 64" almost mastered). I had coffee and then Jay and I went to a couple garage sales in the neighborhood. On the way back to the house we stopped at one last sale and found a cool telescope. Bought it. When we got back to the house, B was in the back yard working on the shed and I ran out and said, "I bought a really cool telescope!" and B looked at me kind of odd and said"I did too." Turns out the only thing each of us bought was a telescope for Jay. Hahaha. Now he has two. At least until we have our garage sale.

We saw Ironman 2. It was GREAT! I LOVE Robert Downey Jr. but I do have to wonder how many middle aged guys go by Jr? That's a little goofy. I discovered the secret to not eating a lot of movie food at the movies. Go see the 10:30 A.M. movie. I had just had breakfast and was so uninterested in popcorn.

Speaking of food, I made a good dinner. I'm trying really hard to eat healthy. I was on a pastry binge at Starbucks for awhile there and I need to turn it around. Last week I did keep my vow of ingesting NOTHING that I had to chew while at work. That was a good boundary as it's so cut and dried - COULD NOT CHEW. Period. It worked. I did have several fruit/protein smoothies which were good. So, tonight I made saffron quinoa (keen-waaa) with Fresh asparagus and baby portebellos. It was yummy and quick and very healthy. Make it!

Bring 1 cup quinoa and 2 cups water to a boil. Add a pinch of saffron. Cover and simmer until water is gone, about 15 minutes. In a separate pan, saute one cup baby portebello mushrooms and one bunch asparagus (cut into 1 inch pieces) in olive oil and a hearty splash of teriaki or Worcestershire sauce. When the quinoa is done, turn off heat and add the vegetables to the quinoa. Stir it up and it's done. I would recommend a glass of Red Truck California Red Wine which costs about 8.00 and is well worth the price.

Almost Friday

I love this warmer weather. It's springtime and we have a nest of baby birds in the back yard. How cliche and yet how lovely. They are nesting in the top of a propane tank covered by a round pink paver. We had no idea the nest was in there until B was getting ready to fire a kiln and when he lifted the paver up, the mama bird flew out and scared the bejesus out of us. We put the paver back on and only peek at them once a week. They're so ugly and so cute.

Tonight was Jay's school musical program. It's the last one where we'll be with the tiny kindergartners and all the chaotic, screaming kids. I'm going to miss those musical shows. Talk about baby birds! I love to look at the ankle-biters up there on the stage, knowing that a few are going to be huge successes and a few are going to be tremendous failures but most of them are going to be average, content human beings. I like that thought; average content people playing Monopoly and having BBQ's, watching a little Law and Order and reading a good book now and then. Of course, some people really do become ballarinas and firemen but I'd love to hear a seven year old say, "I want to be an average person when I grow up with a job that pays decent and has health benefits. Eat dinner with my family, teach my kids how to do cool card tricks and once a week sit at Barne's and Noble for an hour for a little "me" time." When I was little I wanted to be either a witch or a loan shark. Weird. I did not become either of those things. That's okay. I also, when asked who I would like to meet if I could meet anyone, said "Paul Lynde" while almost every other third grader in my class replied, "The President."

Mother's Day weekend plans - Ironman on Saturday. Working on shed and backyard. Storage unit auction Sunday morning. Wildflower Bread Company for lunch. Suns game Sunday night. Sweeeeet.

Not Much

Only Randon - I miss the show Chelsea Lately since I got furious at Direct TV and cancelled all but the the bare minimum of shows....and now I'm too stubborn to get those channels back. I whoop and shout and wring my hands and say, "AUUGGGHHH" when I watch sports on TV. I am not afraid to bait my own hook. I like how people walk on "South Park" but I have to admit, I've only seen that show once. I like going to storage unit auctions because you never know what you'll find. I LOVE avocados.

Take That Pill Before I Pinch You!

I am a mom. Jay and I relived the "pill" fiasco of last night tonight. He did better however, and I think it was the chocolate milk I bought today. But the whole experience made me think about all the aspects of being a mom. It's not Mother's Day yet but I saw a quote that I wanted to share...and I have a funny (to me) story of my own.

"Motherhood brings as much joy as ever, but it still brings boredom, exhaustion, and sorrow too. Nothing else ever will make you as happy or as sad, as proud or as tired, for nothing is quite as hard as helping a person develop his own individuality especially while you struggle to keep your own." - Marguerite Kelly and Elia Parsons

First, how can two people be quoted as one quote? Did they think this up at the same time? Did one come up with the first sentence and the other came up with the last? Just curious.

So, when Jay was about ten months old we went to Las Vegas with my family. There were probably 7 of us and we had two adjoining rooms. One night it must have been 3:00 a.m. and Jay started to cry. I got up and took him in the bathroom. I had probably only been asleep for an hour or two (don't worry, my mom LOVED to hang in the room with her little Jay while I played roulette). I had not been drinking because I hate to taint my gambling with alcohol. Hahahaha. No, really, I don't drink when I gamble - throws my luck. So, I stood in the bathroom rocking Jay back and forth. For fifteen minutes. Then half an hour. Then an hour that turned into an hour and a half. I was TIRED. I just wanted him to sleep! I was tired and cramped and didn't have his usual "stuff" with me. No crib, no couch. I became irrational there in that small, dark bathroom. I wanted to pinch him. Real hard. Just a tiny piece of skin. Pinch! Like that.

I did not pinch my little baby boy. But I thought about it for the next half hour until he finally slept. I always laugh about it. It actually kept me sane. And, as I tell people, that's the difference between being a good mom and a scary one.....we all think about duct taping them to the wall, the good moms just make the decision NOT to do it. I always want to tell new mothers that, yes, they will drive you crazy and talk back and crush you at times, just make the right decision. Because they will be worth the kindness and the love in the end. Oh, and anything you do before they turn two....they'll never remember it anyway. Hahahaha.

(That last sentence is one of those things that you write and think, okay, of course no one will think I'm serious. I'm funny! And then you worry a little and finally come back and, even though you don't erase it, you feel compelled to write a disclaimer.)

Disclaimer: Folks, I am only kidding. Do not harm your child. Call a hotline if you feel violent. They really, really are worth the love. And they WILL remember everything. Thank you.

(I just served as awesome birth control for at least several college women)

Onward

I was on bereavement leave. I'm not going to shirk my blog commitment however, so the "30 days of MEEEE" will continue on for twenty-one more days.

Here's what we used to do.......See, Barney was mostly an indoor cat, but once or twice a day he would meander about outside. He did not like to use Stan's dog door so when B would let him back in, B would announce, "Hey everybody, it's Barney!! Look! Barney's here!!" And we would all clap and cheer. "Look, it's Barney!!!" And Barney would get a celebrity welcome every time he came back inside. Barney himself did not understand the hullabaloo, but that was part of the fun. That's one of those things I'm going to miss. It's one of those little private "in-house" things that we all have in our homes. It was a good thing.

It's those private "in-house" moments that are the barometers of our lives I think. We all have those things that go on where we live that we don't share with the rest of the world. Maybe it's with roommates or maybe with our birth family or maybe with our spouse/partner (I am so fucking politically correct!). But I like when I'm in households where those moments are good ones. I've had times when they were positive and times when they were yucky and I notice that my whole psyche could be determined by whether those times were good or bad. Remember...if your "in-house" moments make you sad, rethink the "house" in your "in-house" situation.

I have a garden box. B has been working like crazy in the back yard; putting together raised garden beds and building a new chicken coop. I get to plant vegetables this weekend, and surround them with the beautiful "walls of water" aka "wall-o-waters" to keep then from FREEZING IN THE SNOW. Hahahaha. Why do I laugh at that when we had an inch of snow yesterday?

Right this instant, while I sit at the dining room table blogging away, my son is 15 feet away from me in the kitchen trying to swallow a pill. He woke up with a sore throat and body ache. I took him in and the doctor gave him some antibiotics. "I want the pills, not the liquid," he insisted as we left. "I can swallow pills now." So, for 25 minutes he's been trying to swallow a pill. He has tried orange juice, milk and water. He has hidden the pill in ice cream and yogurt. He has choked a mouthful of milk all over the kitchen floor (which, had I read that on someone else's blog, I would have laughed like a crazy woman, however, since it was in my kitchen I don't really find it that funny). He has placed it strategically in several areas of his mouth before ingesting the liquid. He is now taking a three minute break to check on the Sun's score. But he is going to swallow that pill before I go to bed.

Oh yeah, B and I saw Kick Ass yesterday. Great movie. Not for kids. Funny. Fun. See it.

Randoming - I still love Barney. I can whistle really loud with two fingers in my mouth. I always trim my own bangs and I ALWAYS do a horrible job. I really love my home.

P.S. He did it. He swallowed that damn pill.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give
other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated
from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
--Marianne Williamson

Barney

I haven't written for a bit because our Barney died. I tried several times to write about things....some days just general stuff and some days Barney failing, but I was either too tired or too sad. Here is one of my starts from a few days ago.....

"I'm back. I took a couple days off. Our cat is sick. Renal failure. Anemia. Congestion and old age are all attacking Barney at the same time. Barney is 17 years old and was not "my" cat too until about a year and a half ago. Barney has been Barry's cat forever. But now Barney belongs to me and Jay and Stan also."



That was all I could get down. Barney was such a great cat. He would do these head butts against your head. I always thought it was Barney's way of giving out some love. He liked to sleep in a chair by the fire. He ate a coffee bean for breakfast and he was partial to a couple tortilla chips for an afternoon snack. He purred and meowed, and click-clacked his toenails on the floor. Mr Barneys was a part of our home, and now we miss him. He and Stan were a team, even though they didn't know it, and now Stan is a one-man show.

Barnes, like most cats, had a dozen names. He was often both the King and the Court Jester. I loved to watch him sit in the sun, or sleep all curled up, or saunter across the lawn. He bit my nose, once, very hard, and I think he enjoyed it. He sneezed a lot. He liked to lie right on the newspaper when I was reading it. We miss that good old man.

I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul. - Jean Cocteau

Mind Over Matter

I would like to clarify. In my post yesterday it sounds as if I think I'm old. Well I don't. And I'm not. But there are some growing signs that, well, the times they are a changing. Too often, when I get up in the morning, I believe I may have been pummeled in my sleep by small elves. Small elves wearing brass knuckles. It's not serious. I don't feel so bad I want to see a specialist. But I ache. My knees, my lower back. It's just become a "transition" getting out of bed instead of a fluid action. The idea that exercise is becoming mandatory, as in, if I don't start taking yoga, or doing a little cardio, I WILL be in trouble. Soon. I actually discard pictures now because of "double chin look" and "ripple laugh lines" instead of "weird shirt" or "eyes closed, mouth open."

Also, my memory is shot. Did I mention the small elves with brass knuckles? Oh.

Yesterday when my girlfriends and I went dancing, we had FUN. We were GOOD. We were also in a group of people who were all under 24 years of age. I am not exaggerating. I wanted to get a shirt made that said, "Your parents are paying me to spy on you." When a Adam Ant or a White Snake or a Bronski Beat song came on, I wanted to shout, "You people don't know anything about this song....I LIVED this music....I have concrete memories about this song." Ahhhh, the rantings of an old lady. Hahaha.

When I titled this post I was thinking of the saying about age...“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter” (Mark Twain). Then I found the following one by Dr Suess (really) and liked it too.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

And then, I found this, which seemed appropriate...
“You don't stop dancing from growing old, you grow old when you cease to dance”

So, I have compiled a list of things to do if, like me, you want to hold on to your youth by the scruff of the neck like a desparate fool....

* keep dancing
* drop the f-bomb on occasion (wait, was that hold on to your youth or your vulgarity? Hahaha)
* red wine, baby
* keep your girlfriends
* read books
* contemplate taking yoga
* lots of water
* laugh until you have ripple laugh lines

I had more ideas but I've forgotten what they are. Fuck.

Ladies Eighties

I went dancing. With girlfriends. To eighties music. I could of broken a hip! I think my knees are shot. It was quarter drink night. I had two beers. I love my girlfriends.

I need an intervention.

Okay, first let me say that I'm on day 7 of my latest "blogging assignment." I write more if I have an assignment and I like to do the "Thirty Days of ____________" the best. Thirty days is not too long to do anything. And it's still long enough to be a challenge. So, I'm doing 30 days of me. Mostly because it makes me laugh at myself but also because I might gain an insight here or there. Sometimes focusing makes things clearer. I do find it interesting that when I have the assignment, I really do end up writing more. For example, right now I am TIRED. Sheee-it, I am TIRED. But I will not turn this light out until I get something self-absorbed written down.

Okay, back to the intervention. I am having a personal feeding frenzy. One might assume that I'd be over Starbucks pastries by now but apparently not. I eat too many. And I don't limit myself to Starbucks, baby. I buy pastries at Trader Joes if I'm in Phoenix. The other day I went to Wildflower Bakery and had a chocolate croissant. WTH (what the heck!). WTF.

Then, when I'm not gorging on sugar, I'm eating white starches. Tonight for dinner I had a big bowl of mashed potatoes. That's a fat ass bowl of taters, butter, milk, sour cream and cheese. YUM. I almost put a bunch of crumbled up bacon in there too. So, it' either an intervention or will power. I can see I'm going to have to do a reality 30 day assignment next - 30 days of healthy food. How about ONE day of healthy food. Hahaha.

Randoming.....I like spinach salad. I have very nice hand writing. When I was little my mom and dad and I went to Dairy Queen every evening in the summer. Sometimes little stiff hairs sprout off my chin. Ewwwww. I wish I had a cute nose. I would like to rent a house in Italy for a month.

.....the world is not respectable; it is mortal,
tormented, confused, deluded forever;
but it is shot through with beauty,
with love, with glints of courage
and laughter; and in these,
the spirit blooms...
-george santayana

Where it Started

I am reusing a blog post. I was thinking about my One Year of Opus, which is what pretty much started this blog (hence, the name, hahaha) and I realised that some of my present readers probably didn't know the origin. So, this is my second blog post, clear back in 2007, and it says so much about who I still am today, and what's important. P.S. Live your life. Now.

July 2007
The What and The Why
In the beginning (three months ago)....I needed a job. I was borderline frantic. Everywhere I looked I saw things I wanted to do that no one would pay me to do. Garden, write poems, paint and put together all this crazy furniture I bought years ago. I wanted to learn how to can my garden harvest and I wanted to make a documentary about my mom and do art projects and take African dance. I wanted to teach poetry writing (which they DO pay me for...a little). But the eighttofivejobwithbenefits monster was breathing down my neck.

The What...One year of opus. Take one year, June first to June first. Take out a loan to live on, supplemented with meager teaching funds. Make it count. Four hours a day of being creative. Not just waiting for the muse to knock on my head with, "hey, here's a poem for ya!" but five days a week, four hours a day, WORK at being creative. Find it. Learn how to can food. Paint. write, read, garden, teach, take classes.... but explore the creative. Take one year. Opus - "A creative work, a masterpiece." My one year of opus.

The Why...Mostly, my mom. My mom has Alzheimers. She is so cool. She doesn't know me anymore, but she sure is happy to see me. She likes to laugh and she gives a good hug. I go see her a few times a week. She lives in the memory unit of an assisted living facility. Facility sounds so cold. But she has a nice room and people who make sure she eats and sleeps and is warm at night. I'm crazy about her. When I go see her I am always hit with one big thing... THIS is where we end up. So, as I leave her and get into the elevator, I'm thinking, "Do it now. Live. Live this life. Now." And when I get in my car I'm thinking, "Live your life. Now." And even by the time I get home I'm still there. Still have that voice hollering in my ear, "Don't waste it man, do the things you want to do. Soon enough you'll be sitting in a dining room with 20 other people eating pureed food so, since you've had that damn furniture out there for five years it's time to take it out of the box, put it together, write a poem on top with cut-out letters from magazines, paint it seven different colors, shellac it, and be done with it, ecstatic simply at the feel of brushing paint on wood." Or something like that. Something like, "Do not take this life for granted."

The Sacrifice...I love sacrifice. But it has to be real. Not "I'm going to give up lima beans" because I don't even like lima beans. I had to think of several things that I would miss. And some that would save a little money. So, #1 - Buy no clothes from June first to June first. This would not be difficult for everyone but I really like buying clothes. #2 - No credit card use. Wow. Yuck. Okay. #3 - Two bought coffee drinks a week, max. #4 - secret sacrifice.

The Blog... To begin with, I had to get over my idea that blogging was self-indulgent blathering about oneself. Blah Blah Blah I ate mini wheats for breakfast and took a nap kind of stuff. Knowing that I really need a supervisor, a motivator, and a, so to speak, kicker-in-the-butt type deal, I liked the idea of sharing the details of this year with people who might ask "So, what creative thing went on today, missy?" I wanted to know that when I go in Target and see a really cute skirt that I'll never find again and that would look soooo good on me, that if someone sees me buy it, curtains for me!!! Then, I read this great blog (Hermitgirlofthemountains) and that inspired me. And finally, I'm a WRITER! Writers write. This is practice. It's creative. It's my one year of opus.
Posted by jill at 7:14 AM 4 comments

Bookfest Time

I love the Bookfest. It's been such a part of me for the last eight years. It was yesterday, by the way, and I volunteered last night at the headliner reading. Now, let me be honest here. I didn't do one damn thing for the Bookfest this year. Every year for the past eight years I was on the board. I went to pretty much every meeting, wrote some letters, did some fundraising, scheduled readers and procured free hotel rooms. I made the name badges and priced dinners and some years I even read. This year, nada. I needed a year where I didn't go to meetings or become involved. And low and behold, the show went on anyhow. I saw Lisa Schnebley and Rick Bass read last night. They were very good and the readings were fun and interesting. The poets did their stuff during the day and instead of It being a three day event, it was all packed into a single day. True Confession? The thing I liked best about the Bookfest this year was seeing people I hadn't seen for awhile. Darcy and Tracy and Bob and Tony and Jean and other folks who are artists and writers and friends that I ALWAYS see at the Bookfest and who I'd like to hang out with but we never do and it's always so good to see them. And even when we just get about three minutes worth of words in, I think about them for days or weeks later.

Random Schmandom......My favorite tv show is The Office. I love growing vegetables. I wish I didn't have to work for a living. I have a subscription to People magazine. Nothing better than a great pedicure. Chocolate cake with brown sugar frosting is my weakness.

at the center
of your being you
have the answer;
you know who you
are and you know
what you want.
(lao tzu)

What's Their Story?

I LOVE movies. Today B and I saw Date Night. I had read the reviews (btw, how can one movie get three stars and be critiqued as "good" and another movie get three stars and be critiqued as "bad?" The star system should be consistent. If it's bad, just give it two stars and stop confusing me) and it sounded as if it was just too implausible and stupid. But, I just love Tina Fey and Steve Carell and off we went. Well I laughed out loud! Any movie that makes me laugh out loud is alright by me. We have a Harkins movie theater up here with something like fourteen movies in the building. Remember when there would be just ONE movie in the building? Well we only have one movie house in Flagstaff and so it has a plethora of films. Anyway, they sell t-shirts and cups every December, and when you bring them in for the whole next year, you get FREE popcorn for the shirt and one dollar sodas in the cup. I just keep the shirt in my car because I never wear it in, I just carry it, and that way I always have it.



So, last week I cleaned out some closets and piled a bunch of clothes in my back seat. I know you can tell where this is going. So, it appears that I gave my movie shirt to Goodwill last Thursday. Damn. I tried to finagle a new shirt from the manager today but no go. He did, although give me a free popcorn ticket so that was a nice thing.

Randomness......I like Grace Potter and the Nocturnals mostly for their music but also because Grace Potter is a very cool name. I love roulette. If I could play any musical instrument, I would play the violin. I adore a good Caesar Salad.