Remember?

Remember about a month ago when I went berry pickin and got a big 'ol Tupperware full of blackberries? Man, that was a fun day. It was still summer, I was with friends and kids and getting scratched to bits by brambles. Well, tonight I made a blackberry pie from the berries I picked that day. And, although it looks to be a whole pie in the picture, I just finished having myself a big slice with a huge glass of milk. Ummmm. Those berries are so sweet and luscious. I am not always the successful pie maker. In fact, more often than not, the inside is thin and the crust is slightly underdone. But this one is yummy! I believe I will be having another piece for breakfast.

Remember when I grew those eggplant? They were getting big and then that damn frost came? But I still got four, you nasty old frost. Hehehe. And now...fried eggplant! They were sooo good. Small and tender and, of course, anything is just scrumptious when fried. The garden is history. I still need to blanch some tomatoes this week and I think I can make one more batch of zucchini bread but that's about it. I am so building a greenhouse next year.

Remember when I said I was going to be creative for four hours a day. Not. I'm getting in about two. But I'm trying to be okay with two for awhile. Wait until I show you the chair I'm working on! But I was shooting for four and I just can't do it right now.

I have a some mom stuff. My mom is now under hospice care. They've taken her off all meds and the focus is comfort. They are all so wonderful. She gets to stay at the memory unit where she's been for three years, in a nice room with people who love and care for her. Today I went up for lunch and she had a huge bowl of "your-guess-is-as-good-as-mine" and she ate most of it. She had vanilla pudding for dessert. I took this picture of her today. I LOVE feeding her. I have an insane love for it. I get to just sit, for an hour, and feed her and talk nonsense and mush and comb her hair with my fingers and help her eat. I like all the residents and the caregivers and it feels so good to just be there. The dining room holds about 5 or 6 tables with 2-4 people at each table. She smiles on occasion, (Tangent story here - on the hospice application I had to check all these things, nine of them, that she still could or could not do and the only one I could check "yes" to was - can she still smile? I loved being able to check that one) says a few words and holds my hand tight. This is the cool/weird part...once they take the meds away, she's become more lucid. Feeds herself a little, says more words. Shoots me looks and facial expressions that I remember from years ago. It's nice to have her doing more "mom" behaviors for a little while. And she doesn't have to swallow a dozen pills every day now. Hospice helps with baths and care and medical issues. They are good, caring people who have an amazing attitude about the dying process. My mom has a stellar view of the peaks and when she's lying down in her bed she is usually looking out the window. I asked her the other day if dad comes to see her much and her eyes got all big and she said, very loud and clear, "Oh yes."

This is how I see my life right now metaphorically:
Remember those cakes, the 9" x 13" rectangular ones that, after baking you could poke holes in with a straw. It was from a commercial for Jello brand pudding. Then, you'd make the pudding and pour it on the cake and pudding would seep into those holes. I feel like my life is the cake, and grief is the pudding, and it just kind of seeps in and touches most of the cake. But, even with the grief, my life is still cake.

Look on the bright side.
-Anna Divine
(my mom, who said this an unnerving
amount of times when I was a child,
but meant it, and lived it, and passed it on)