Why I am Going to Hell Because of Starbucks

I have a job. I felt crazy there today. A woman came up to the counter with a mug from the retail section. "Hey," she said, "Would you consider just giving me this mug? It doesn't lock." I took the mug, fiddled with the lid, and handed it back to her. "Yes, it does." I said, "Just try to pry that lid off now." And she pushed both her thumbs up against the lid until I thought the cup would explode. "Well," she said, "I guess you're the smart one." turned, slammed the cup on a shelf and walked away. I had bad thoughts about that woman. Did I mention it was FREE COFFEE DAY? For tax day Starbucks gave away free coffee if you brought your own mug. So next, a woman with one of those aluminum water cans walked up and asked me to "fill it up." "With coffee?" I said incredulously. She nodded and I filled it up and burned the holy flap (this is Jay's expression that I have adopted) out of my hand. I held it by the upper 1/8 inch of the lip of the can and handed it back to her and perversely, secretly hoped she burned the holy flap out of her hand too. Both hands. Her lips. And throat. Next, the man who takes all our expired pastries to the mission came in. I RAN to the back to get the Tupperwares of scones and muffins and coffee cakes for him. I then stashed several boxes next to the coat rack for ME. I took good sweet pastries from the mouths of the homeless. There's more. I swore at people under my breath. I put the wrong amount of pumps of vanilla in several people's drinks because I was not paying attention to what they said. I walked very slowly. All this nastiness flowing out of me in a mere 3 and a half hour shift.

Random notes...My taxes were done a month ago. My favorite pizza is pesto sauce with mushrooms, artichoke hearts, tomato and banana peppers. I used to love watching Wild, Wild West with my dad. The SNL skit that makes me laugh the hardest is Schweaty Balls with Alec Baldwin.
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