November

I have so much to say.

I am filled with words. They are buzzing about like a full hive, bumbling into various folds of skin and battling my thick skull.

I have performance anxiety.

In blogging, I have performance anxiety. I think about writing every day, but I don't. So, I decided to just GET OVER IT. I don't really believe in writer's block. Either one writes or one doesn't. I just haven't been writing. But there are slumps. It might be laziness. It might be fear. I have a solution. I found my solution a few years ago when I wasn't writing much poetry. I just decided to write a poem a day. Can't write??? Then write all the time. About nothing. Write bad poems. Write one sentence poems. But just f**king write. Okay, I set out to do it for a year and ended up making it four months. It was HARD to write every day. But after, I wrote more consistently. So, for the month of November I'm going to write every single day. Yes, I know it's a holiday month. Plus, my niece, Ann, is getting married. I could, however, make excuses for EVERY month if I wanted to. So, that's my goal. I work better with goals. Especially ones that I splay out there to everyone. So I can be scolded and reprimanded (wow, maybe I like being scolded and reprimanded). Ehwww.

When I wrote a poem a day, I definitely wrote some shitty poems. And, I wrote some good stuff. Here's one that I liked that came out at 11:57 pm just because I hadn't written that day and I felt OBLIGATED.

How to find out (a recipe poem)

Unfold a checker board
on a plain table
with a cute boy. Have fun,
be ruthless, drink
cold beer and cheer
for yourself
and the boy too.
When it is inevitable you
are going to win and the boy
is seething quietly, turn
the board around, play
his two remaining pieces
against your former seven
(including two kings)
and win still. He will either
be wildly impressed
or hate your guts.
You need to know which
early on.

Not profound. Not really publishable. But I like it. And I wrote, whether I wanted to or not. No excuses. That's really all I want, to keep writing. It's very freeing to write crap and not care. So, of course, you should also see one of the bad ones...

The Copper Creek Mine

Juan took us down
into the mine.
It smelled like rain
and was as dark
as a brown bear.
Juan said
anyway
at the end of
each sentence
and the tunnel got
colder and colder
every hundred feet.
When we walked up
outside of the earth
an hour later,
Juan’s words
still sheltered us
against the bright collapse
of sun and lethargy.


Even I didn't know what the point was. Sun and lethargy?! WTF?

So, I'm going on a November marathon blog. And the rules. You KNOW I love rules. I'm NOT going to write about "writing". THAT will be refreshing. I'm so excited I kind of want to start today.

Shoot! What the heck. I think I will. Yes, I start today, October 18th. One month. I just became totally anxiety ridden. See you tomorrow.